Attempts

HOLY CRAP! BLOGGER HAS HELVETICA!!!

Ok, sorry. That excitement is over. I am, really excited though. Helvetica is best, invest.

I'm not really sure where my blog is going to go from here. I have been having some struggles. Earlier this week I was diagnosed with ADHD (for the third time) and have started a fairly strict regiment to help me live with it, but more importantly adapt to the treatment of it. I have had it forever, just never maintained proper care of a problem. Now I'm so used to the mental static that the clarity is making me feel estranged - even lonely. One of the symptoms of ADHD that I had fallen prey to was an inability to finish things. I would ravenously (almost manically) start a project and then the anxiety that came with a possibility of failure would just make me shut down, become lethargic and start a whole new project. In turn, I would have all of these haphazard started ideas that would never be realized.

I started to get depressed a few months ago when I realized that my notebook (I love writing) was filled with stories and poems that were 1/4 finished, 1/2 finshed, plot outlines that should have been started but never were. Then, when I came back to work from vacation I came back to a mass of lists that were scribbled and re-noted, crossed off an starred, a complete chaos system that funked me out because it was so overwhelming. Trying to handle the situation started to give me tension headaches that turned into migraines. I would get so bogged down by distractions that I would literally stand in front of a water fountain for a good 30 seconds before I remembered to fill my bottle. It was seriously time to take control. I was nervous because I have a horrible history with medications, but I sucked it up. My doctor and I had a conversation that went something like this:

Dr.: So, you like writing but you haven't been writing?
Me: Uh-huh...
Dr.: Do you write at all?
Me: I have a blog? I've been neglecting it...I have a book of unfinished poems, and a yelp page?
Dr.: Ok, let's get you some homework assignments.

Since Dr. realizes that I am not at a stage where I can be trusted to write daily if I have to be held accountable for the content, we have decided on this: I have to write a daily Yelp review. It's easier than a blog post because the subject matter is given to me, I am in control of the length of the article and it's theraputic because it's writing. Hopefully once my mind and body adjusts to the adderall and I can level out, I'll be able to go back to writing the way I used to. Steve says I shouldn't give up my blog, though. So I won't. I'm going to try to keep it going, I just can't promise anything in the way of continuity. Steve said that, if I make it a point to write one blog post (about anything!) a week, it's like doing extra credit, and if I write one Yelp review a day and one blog post a week for the next month, he will get me a surprise. I like surprises, AND HELVETICA! He is such a good fiance, he just wants me to get better and happy.

So, yeah. If you've been here solely for wedding, I guess I'll see you later. Obviously, there will be wedding talk but I think that this needs to turn into a more theraputic space of interwebs because I'm not good at following through on themes (let's hope Yelp helps).  By theraputic I don't necessarily mean a journal of my struggles with ADHD or with anything. Stop back and you may find some short stories or some pieces of memoirs or some more "OMG, YOU GUYS. HELVETICA" a movie or book review, a haiku, I don't know (I don't know if I'll have the time).

If you like my writing and want to make me feel good about myself by commenting on my reviews you can go here.