Michelle and I went to Sweet Ups (a lovely spot that I highly recommend) last night for some happy hour girl time. For a while, we were the only ones in the bar except for the owner and his brother-in-law (once removed)…? The conversation somehow went like this: Arnold Swartzenegger -> Keanu Reeves -> The Devil’s Own v. The Devil’s Advocate -> Weddings?!
Obviously, I was up to bat. Benjamin (Sweet Ups owner) was telling us how he was attending his fourth wedding this year where the invitations said *Please No Boxed Gifts*. My jaw was agape, I couldn’t believe it. Four in a row, he assured me. Michelle and Jeff were a little confused. They weren’t sure what that meant. Benjamin took the liberty of explaining that it meant they were asking for cash – on their invitation. When he received the invitation for the first wedding of this nature he went to, he thought that ‘no boxed gifts’ meant that the couple didn’t want people to physically bring the boxes with them. As in, send them UPS. Maybe if this were the case then it would be all right to have that little phrase in italics at the bottom of your invitation, maybe.* Alas, it has nothing to do with shipping methods. Benjamin discovered this when he went to find a registry and discovered its absence.
It is not OK to do this! It is so off-putting and tacky. I told them that if I ever received an invitation that said that, I would buy whoever did it a present and put it in the biggest box possible. Benjamin and Jeff asked if there was anyway to simply imply that you wanted cash over a gift. Is there? I’m not sure. I would think the only way you could imply that you only wanted cash gifts would be to forego a registry. Keep in mind; there are a lot of people out there who believe giving cash is thoughtless and impersonal. If one were to take this road, they would probably end up with a toaster (or five) and a lot of less desirable things
Personally, I think that implying you want anything is in poor taste. I am not putting down registries as they have a very functional value. Those same people who would prefer not to give a cash gift, want to be sure they are gifting something that can be used and loved. Having the ability to know what the couple needs gives them some kind of reassurance that their good intentions will not go to waste. Registries also make guests aware of what has already been purchased, so you don’t end up with those five toasters. The icing on the registry cake is the newly weds get a great opportunity to buy what’s left of the wish list at a discount (a lot of registries give the couple a year to finish off their list at 10%-15% off)! However, don't send your registry info with your invitations - this is also rude. Registry info goes on your website and with shower invitations (if someone throws you a shower).
Always remember, a registry isn’t statute law. If you get surprised by some odd-ball hand crafted fertility vase Aunt Bertha picked up in Uzbekistan last year, you have to write a thank you note and you have to be genuine. When in doubt? Remind yourself that you’re not inviting these people to your wedding because you think they will buy you a bangin’ gift; you’re inviting them because you love them and you want to share a special day with them.
After this address Benjamin and Jeff nodded in approval and understanding, their brides will never make the mistake of requesting *no boxed gifts*. My job was done and etiquette’s good name defended. We went on to discuss other wedding oddities like: what the fuck is a mini-bride and is it acceptable to register for classic safari outfits?
*Albeit this would be a friendlier meaning, it’s still not right. You cannot tell your adult guests how to behave. Your invitation should not include a list of dos or don’t or even maybes. I’m sure there are other ways to politely request that gifts be shipped.
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